well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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