Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
