she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
