she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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