when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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