I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
