after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
