Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
