hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
