The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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