I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
