my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
