Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
