the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
