i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so let's talk penis.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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