it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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