she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
