I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
