just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
