I just made out with a guy for $7.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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