I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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