dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
