I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
