he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
