were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Welp...herpes.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
