WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
