white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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