and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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