he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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