He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
