What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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