Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
