Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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