you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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