The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
