Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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