I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
