Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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