I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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