Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
