happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
