that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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