I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
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I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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