im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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