It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
