I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
