Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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