Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize