Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
