My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
