Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
