i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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