glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
