she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
