mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
