I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
