if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
