Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize