Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
