I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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