I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
