I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
birth control should be required to get into college
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
