just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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