i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
