I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
