Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
