Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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