just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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