you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
